


Reality

by mcgarrett



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medicinal Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-05
Updated: 2013-05-05
Packaged: 2017-12-10 11:17:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/785452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrett/pseuds/mcgarrett
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When dreams become preferable to life, will Steve want to wake up?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reality

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ignemferam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ignemferam/gifts).



> Since the anon who prompted this story was Sven, gifting this to him! Hope you enjoy! :)
> 
> I had plenty of betas, conformityissuicide, simplyn2deep, ThisJerseyDevil, KaitouYahiko, bringthefate, and NeedTakeHave. Thank you all so much!! Any remaining mistakes are mine!

Steve let his eyes slowly drift open when the smell of food began to flow throughout the house. He looked down at his wrist, took note of the small red band, and smiled as he dragged himself out of bed. He was always a morning person but found it increasingly difficult to wake up these days. Steve blamed that on his lover, the man he cared for more than anyone else in this world - Danny Williams. As Steve sluggishly made his way down the stairs of his house and to the kitchen, he took a moment to remind himself of one important fact - this is all just a dream.

Danny Williams was a fine detective, and was still the love of Steve's life, but outside of this realm, Danny was in love with a woman he'd met on a case. After things ended with Gabby (very messy break-up that Steve would rather forget), Danny strayed from dating and focused more of his time in making Grace happier while hanging out with Steve. Together, Steve and Danny took Grace anywhere she wanted; the aquarium, scuba diving (two against one, much to Danny's dismay), and even to the Pearl Harbor Memorial, when she wanted to know more about Steve's family. Steve had finally realized what having a family was like. 

Steve's happiness was short-lived as Danny soon met the stunning Aolani. Her best friend was murdered violently, and Danny was determined to find the killer more quickly than usual. His fiery attitude (and irritability) increased tenfold, and Steve hadn't known why until Monday morning when Danny told Steve he and Aolani were seeing each other. Steve took a silent vow to make sure Aolani would pay if she hurt Danny, but could never find the heart to do anything. She and Danny were on good terms, and when she showed up at his door for one of the team barbeques, Steve could only smile and laugh as he felt his heart being ripped out. 

Months rolled by and Danny's affection only grew more intense for Aolani. He never forfeited any visits to Steve during the week, but weekends became less frequent. Outside of his dreams, it was three months since he'd last seen Grace. He wondered if she liked Aolani more than him (though it probably wasn't hard to as Aolani was the guide on a dolphin watching tour at Waianae). Steve began to sleep less, his mind dwelling on Danny and thoughts of the two of them together that would never come to reality. On a case, Danny's ranting forced Steve to face a revelation he'd rather not have looked at - he was out of control. Steve didn't care to admit it though, especially to Danny, so he responded in the only way he knew how. Yelling at Danny seemed to calm him down quite a bit, especially confronting him about Grace. He knew that would hurt and yet, he couldn't bring himself to care. 

Steve went to his general physician due to the fact that he was running on two hours of sleep over the course of five days. Each time he felt like sleeping, he'd always end up dreaming of Danny leaving the island with Aolani, promising he'd call, but never doing so. When he'd wake up, only fifteen minutes had passed from the last time he had looked at his clock. Dr. Moana was nice enough, non-judgmental. He'd suggested early on that Steve should tell Danny about the nightmares, but Steve told him it wasn't an option, that he'd deal with it on his own without involving Danny. In the end, Dr. Moana had prescribed Steve some sleeping aides to deal with his lack of sleep and the nightmares. 

The first night Steve had taken them, he had not realized he'd been dreaming. Noting the red band around his wrist that wasn't there when he'd fallen asleep, Steve left bed quickly, rushing to the lanai to his routine swim when he ran into Danny in the living room, wearing only his boxers. The shorter man turned and smiled, handing him a shake. 

"You almost forgot this, babe. What would you do without me?" Danny had said with a smirk as he drew closer to Steve, pulling him down for a kiss. As much as Steve wanted to return the kiss, he didn't, pushing Danny away, the glass of protein shake fell from his hand and crashed on the floor. Danny's scowl and sudden anger pulled Steve into a world of guilt as Danny went to the kitchen to get the mop and began cleaning. Steve woke suddenly, noting that he'd slept through the night for the first time in months. 

The second night, Steve had a similar dream. With each passing night, the dreams became more and more intense, figuring out the rules of the dreams by studying the similarities each night. First of all, there was always a red band somewhere - on his bedside table, in the nightstand drawer, or most commonly, on his left wrist. Secondly, Danny was his as long as he slept. For the first few nights, he'd asked about Aolani, but Danny didn't even remember who she was until Steve reminded him about the case. Danny told him that Steve had asked him out the night after the case was over and they'd been seriously dating since. Lastly, the dream would last strictly nine hours in real time, but it was more like nine days in the dream world. When he'd wake up, Steve would retain a perfect recall of the dream, almost as if the dream were a second reality. 

Steve took comfort in these dreams - he could have Danny to himself here while Danny could have Aolani in the real world. Either way, both of them were happy and it worked. Every one day that passed, he'd have nine. Tonight's dream was in its ninth day, and Steve knew that the next time he'd wake up, it'd be Thursday and he'd be longing for the day to be over once more. Danny and Steve had a peaceful day with Grace, filled with Disney movies and relaxing on the lanai, Danny in Steve's lap. Steve felt his eyes drifting shut, knew the day was ending. Soon, he'd be awake in the real world, without the happiness he so longed for. Before he drifted off, he ran his fingers through Danny's hair, clinging tightly, and whispered, "I love you, Danno..." 

===================== 

The sun shone brightly in his eyes, lifting him from the dream he longed not to escape from. Steve looked over at his phone noting two messages. He dialed the passcode for his voicemail and listened intently. 

"Commander, Thank you for handling the big drug bust that HPD had been working on for months. Thanks to the joint effort between your task force and HPD's Narcotics Squad, we were able to clear up a huge player in drug trade on the island of Oahu. Now, I see on your recent physical assessment that you're being prescribed sleeping medications from your doctor. In light of this, I trust you are handling this situation, and I'm giving you and the rest of the task force the whole weekend off, effective tomorrow. I'd like to be debriefed for a meeting at 3:30 this afternoon, then you can start your early weekend. Good work though!" 

Governor Denning's message made Steve's stomach knot; he didn't want to go home early. Work was a distraction from the obvious and gaping hole in his life. However, if he did get off of work early, maybe he'd knock off early, take an extra pill or two and sleep for longer, maybe he'd get a month out of it. Steve held the phone back up to his ear as he listened to the second message he'd received. 

"Steve, look, I know I haven't been the greatest to you lately, and that kind of set in the other day when you mentioned how long it's been since you've seen Grace. You okay if I come over this weekend? If I don't hear from you by tomorrow at work, I'm taking that as a yes, and you're gonna be too late to talk me out of it, 'kay buddy?" 

Danny's voice straightened Steve's stomach and allowed him to think more clearly. Danny was coming over, bringing Grace, and not spending time with Aolani. Steve immediately began wondering if something had happened with Aolani, but couldn't keep himself on that line of thought. He needed to quickly rush to the shower so he wouldn't be late for work. Anything else out of the ordinary would be a disaster. Steve quickly hid the pills inside of the drawer of his nightstand and took a quick shower, noting how the dark circles under his eyes were beginning to fade. 

Twenty minutes later, Steve was pulling into the parking lot at HQ, grabbing his badge and service weapon from the glove box and clipping them to his belt. He walked quickly into his office, being the first there (beating Kono who usually is up early for surfing). Focusing on the paperwork, he makes sure each response is as perfect as can be before moving onto the next form. At some point, Chin and Danny had gotten there, as Steve hadn't even noticed when Danny walked into his office. 

"So, no response means I'm comin' over this weekend," Danny had started with. Steve had done his best to ignore Danny as the detective had (on numerous occasions since the nightmares had started) tried to force Steve to talk about his feelings, but those kind of things just caused more problems. Why should he think more into dreams he was having, or the nightmares? Those kinds of things are best left for the dreams, not for reality. "You didn't respond, so I'm officially worried. And you're doing paperwork. Why are you doing paperwork?" Danny snatched up one of his completed forms. "And how are all of these forms completed with such precision that I'd think I had done it?" Steve remained silent as Danny continued to ramble. "You may think you're just going to wait it out for the subject to be dropped, but that's not happening, babe. I'm going to find out this weekend, whether you want to say or not. I know something is going on. You've been rash, reckless, and ignoring more laws than usual. Everything about you seems off, Chin and Kono have been asking me questions, and I don't know what to tell them because you don't talk to me. And those bags under your eyes. I've been telling you to sleep better, babe. Skip your swims, which is advice that I'm assuming you're still ignoring." 

"Danno, please, just shut up. Nothing is wrong, and for your information, I didn't go swimming today. I slept in." The look on Danny's face was well worth admitting the one thing to him. When the phone in Steve's office rang, Danny turned towards the door, looked back, mouthed the words 'This isn't over' and walked back to his own office. 

Danny ended up sporadically bugging Steve throughout the day, trying to convince him to talk. The only thing Steve told any of them was that Governor Denning had given them an early weekend, that at 3:30PM, they were free to leave and not be back in until Monday. Steve quickly slipped by to jump into his Silverado and drive to Denning's office for his meeting. 

===================== 

The meeting was dull, a lengthy debrief on the case they worked with HPD. As Denning expected, the case had drastically improved relations between HPD and the task force (which had begun to deteriorate due to Steve's disregard for the rules), and they'd locked up some major players in the drug trade, resulting in a far safer Oahu. Steve drove home as quickly as he could and swore that he heard Danny bitching at him from the seat next to him. As he pulled up his driveway, he saw the silver Camaro and didn't know whether to be incredibly happy or nervous. 

The instant Steve opened the door to his house, he was hit full force with the familiar smell of Italian food; the table was nicely set with two bottles of beer and two salads. 

"Dinner will be done in a minute, babe, and don't insult my cooking. I have a very nice contact who would vouch for it! So sit down, relax, and get ready to talk because I'm not leaving this weekend until I know what's going on." 

Steve sat in silence, not wanting to talk, but not wanting to invoke Danny's stubborn curiosity. At this rate, he'd have to come clean eventually, no matter how much he wants to keep this hidden. Danny has this way of picking through the wall around his emotions, his thoughts, and his heart (which is more the reason for the problem than anything else). When the dinner bell rang, Danny quickly sat down and began eating through the green leaves and orange carrots in his salad, drenching it in ranch dressing. Steve picked at the food with his fork and ate a few leaves of lettuce, but not much else - he'd lost his appetite. The only thing for him to do was wait for 10:00 to come around and take his pills. 

"Okay, since you're obviously not eating, how about you tell me what's up? Since you mentioned it earlier, I've noticed the bags under your eyes look better, so I'm assuming you're sleeping now, but aside from that, you're bothered by something. You snapped at me about Grace last month, and since then, you've been more closed off than ever. Talk to me Steven. Use your words." 

Danny's constant coaxing made Steve want to tell Danny everything, but he still couldn't. It wasn't right to have these dreams about your happily committed partner. He'd done this once in the Navy with Freddie, only to have his heart broken when Freddie left him for a woman. Steve would not venture that path again, especially with the best friend he's ever had, so the only option was to lie. The only lie he could think of was a long stretch, but he hoped Danny would lay off. 

"Danny, what do you want me to say? I'm angry? Hell yes, I'm angry. My mother decided to leave two months ago, promised to call, and I haven't heard from her since." 

Danny looked up and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Now you see, I'd believe you, except this whole thing started before your mother left. Do I think this is part of it? Yes. Do I think there's more? A lot more, so Steven, just tell me what's going on with you." 

Steve opened his mouth to yell some more when a knock at the door brought him from his anger. He stormed off to the door and opened; before him stood a familiar woman, one whom he'd hoped never to see again. "Aolani, come on in. Danny is in the kitchen, ready to serve up dinner. I'm not feeling too great, so I'm gonna head up now." 

Steve waited until he heard Danny's surprised reaction; at least her visit wasn't planned, but he swiftly made his way upstairs, needing to escape from this...life...Nothing was right, and Steve was falling out of his mind. He didn't count how many pills he poured out of the medicine bottle, three, four, maybe even five. He just popped them all in his mouth, splashed some water in to wash them down, and let his head hit the pillow, sleep overtaking him... 

===================== 

Steve waited and waited, but the dreams never came. He felt himself drifting in a sea of nothingness, looking for any sign of...well, anything, yet seeing nothing. He began to think back, more thoughts of Danny came back to him, hoping that they'd form into dreams, but nothing happened, the thoughts quickly being sucked into the void surrounding him. His mind began to slowly drift apart, memories became distant thoughts while Steve felt himself falling, drowning in darkness. He began to lose sight of who he was, what this place was, the pieces of his mind disintegrated, leaving him a man without an identity wondering if there was ever anything outside of this. He heard a man's voice call out to him periodically, thinking he should know this, but couldn't figure out who this man was. Soon, the voice stopped, leaving him in silence once again. He didn't know what to do or how to get out of here. He was afraid without knowledge, trying to grasp at any thought passing through his head, but not able to keep a hold on it. Beyond this black world, there was nothing. With more despair overwhelming him, he decided it best to close his eyes and give up; maybe then, his suffering would end... 

===================== 

He felt his eyes open to a bright white room with the sun glaring in his eyes from a window, beeping from a machine to his left. A man with slicked back blond hair was sleeping in a chair right next to the bed. He slowly began to realize his mind had somehow been put back together as he realized who he was and who the man was. 

"Da...nno?" he croaked out, his throat drier than sand. Danny began to stir as he opened his eyes sleepily, his posture suddenly straightened and his face quickly switched from worry to anger. 

"Steven, don't you dare say another word. How could you not tell me you were taking such a dangerous medication?! You could have died. Just one pill every night as needed for sleep, no more." Danny ran his hands through his hair as he continued. "You had seven pills in you, Steven, SEVEN. You've been asleep for two weeks and you've had to get your stomach pumped!! How was I supposed to tell Gracie that her Uncle Steve was in the hospital because he was a dumbass and didn't tell Danno what was wrong?! How was I supposed to know that things got this bad?! You stopped talking and you withdrew like always. You are not alone, so get that through your fucking skull, you Neanderthal!" 

Steve smiled as Danny began breathing heavily, his lungs exhausted of air from such a long rant. "I'm...sorry...Danno..." 

"Sorry?! Sorry, he says, like that's fixing everything. Look, Steven, you were taking sleeping medications, meaning something more than just sleeping problems was going on. You're not going to escape this time. I've been informed by the DOCTORS that I'm your medical proxy, and seeing as how you're not in sound mind to count pills, you're not in a sound mind to check yourself out, and until the doctor gives me a green light and I hear the real reason you're being such a fucking asshole, you're not getting out of the hospital!" Danny stormed towards the door. "Now, since I'm sure your throat is way too exhausted to talk, I'll get you some water, then you can sleep and have this discussion later, or you can talk now. Your choice." 

As Danny walked out of the room, Steve contemplated everything but couldn't see any other way out. Danny was being way too fiercely protective of him from everything, himself included. The only way to get out of this room was to tell Danny. When Danny returned with two cups, one of water and the other with ice, Steve downed the whole cup of water in one gulp then looked at Danny, obviously not ready to talk, but then again, when would he ever be? Danny continued watching Steve as Steve took some of the ice and began to suck on it. 

"Really? You're still gonna do this? It's a weekend, so I have nowhere else to be, meaning I have all day, Steven." Steve sighed heavily, his throat feeling much better; Danny wasn't going to quit until Steve told him the truth. Taking a big breath, Steve began. 

"I started having vivid dreams. First you left me in the dreams, then Mom left in reality, and I couldn't take it...I turned to the sleep therapy and finally started sleeping well...because I was with you in my dreams...I was happy...I took the pills so I could dream again..." Danny opened his mouth to talk. 

"I would never leave you like she did, Steven," except Steve didn't hear Danny and continued his story. 

"I'm sorry. I began to resent your girlfriend, and I don't know...A part of me took the pills out of spite, didn't care what happened, just as long as I could escape from here...The only thing I do know is that I love you, Danno, and I'm terrified of losing you, but I know you're with Aolani, so I'll get over it...Just please, don't leave..." 

Danny interrupted Steve by covering his mouth with his own, silencing him in a kiss. Steve didn't know what to do since his friend was with someone else and didn't want to interfere with anything, but gave into his own desire and returned the kiss. 

"You idiot...I broke up with Aolani that night...We'd had some problems for the last month, when I told her that I was going to spend some time with you. She'd apparently planned for us to go to some dinner party anyways, and I couldn't keep doing that...She showed up to pick me up, and I told her it was over. That's when I found you in your room, pills scattered on the floor and you on your bed...I'd never been more scared...These last two weeks have been hell, not knowing if you'd make it or not...if I'd be able to tell you how I felt..." 

Steve moved over as best as he could and motioned for Danny to lay down next to him, before noticing a small band of fabric around Danny's arm. His vision was too blurry to make out any details about it, unable to see if it was red or not. 

"What's that?" Steve asked, kissing the small band as his eyes closed. 

"Grace got it at school for Red Ribbon Week. Drug Awareness and all. She told me to wear it into her class since we stopped the bad guys from selling drugs on the island." Danny's reply would be enough for now as Steve fell into a dreamless sleep, comforted by the warm body next to him.


End file.
